Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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