hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
