my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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