When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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