I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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