matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
