your parents love me but you hate me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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