For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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