If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
