I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
