Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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