Sponge bath it is.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
