i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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