Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize