Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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