i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
