she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this just has baby written all over it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
