last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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