seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hippo gnu deer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
false alarm, still single
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