I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
