theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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