i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
