Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
