i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
