so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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