Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize