Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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