12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
