Moan for me like Helen Keller
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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