did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
