put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
