how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
