i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Randomize
