Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
