Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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