I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
