his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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