I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
