That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
