He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
