I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He better not be in your backpack
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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