I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
