I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
