i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
