Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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