And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nothing says āI spent too much in Vegasā quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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