Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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