Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
