Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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