First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
