i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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