We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
