You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
