i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
