You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
