he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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