So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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