Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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