I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
