i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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