he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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