she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
