everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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