Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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