I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
