oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
