Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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