So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
