Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
