she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
