Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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