you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
