We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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