every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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