I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
