A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize