We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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