he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
