Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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