your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
