Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
