Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize