He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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