You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
