Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
