My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
