I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
