very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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