wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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