Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
