so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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