i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
