He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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