Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
