You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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