what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
