he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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