Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize