ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
