I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
