So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
