My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
