I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
